Anxieties! We all have them, usually in different forms. The big ones are things like public speaking, talking to someone you have a crush on, money issues, relationship issues and self-doubt. Being unemployed sort of combines all the anxieties together. Where would I go from here? What will be my next job? Will I have a job soon? Should I spend money on this or should I save it because I don’t know how long I’ll be unemployed. Why isn’t this company replying me? Are there flaws in my resume? All these anxieties play out daily in my head as I am currently unemployed.

On the bright side, I do get to stay at home and plan out my day the way I wanted when I was working. I dreamed of the freedom to plan out my day instead of dragging my feet to the subway and go to work. It was one of the obvious signs that I should quit that job. I wasn’t inspired and I didn’t like myself. I didn’t feel professional or like I was working on something important. It all felt very unimportant and irrelevant. Part of the reason is that my boss didn’t have a clear direction or indication of why we’re doing something. There wasn’t any urgency at all but constantly being micro-managed. It was tiring just to explain a simple concept to someone who doesn’t know anything. Anyways, it felt like I was wasting my time and my life. I ordered some courses from Udemy and couldn’t wait to get started on them. I wanted to learn new things instead of working on something that will ultimately be seen as not good enough.

The alternative to the anxieties about wasting my time on a job that I seriously did not care about is the anxieties I have to face being unemployed. I think the most horrible one is self-doubt. If not careful, it is quite easy to believe yourself as worthless when you are unemployed and I think it’s really dangerous. I do feel it sometimes. Then another voice will tell me don’t worry too much, take this time and make it useful. Then I would feel better but self-doubt is always there, lurking in the background, whispering negative things to me. I know it’s all in my brain and I just need to keep going, doing what I planned to do and opportunities will come to me. That’s the thing about anxieties, it can alternate reality for you. One minute you’re optimistic about the future and enjoying yourself, then anxieties creep in and change your reality into something dreadful and you feel hopeless. I think one of the most important lessons parents should teach their children is how to deal with rejections and anxieties. Then the world might be more at peace.